An advancement of linguistic science.

You know what's really wrong with the world today? I'll tell you: the devaluation of the word "extreme." I mean, the way things are now, companies and advertisers can just throw that word around wherever the hell they want, regardless of how actually extreme the product they're labeling is. "X-Treme Fruit Roll-Ups," for instance, are very clearly not actually any more extreme than, say, finding a dollar bill in your pocket.

The solution, you might think, would simply be to stop using the word "extreme." But that is stupid! "Extreme" is like god's gift to the English language!

No: the true solution is to begin the scientific quantification of extremitude. Produce a list of things which are logically, inarguably extreme.

To that end, I have decided to begin keeping a list: The Register of Earth's Most Extreme. At the moment, this list consists solely of myself, since you must start from first principles, but it can be expanded by special request, if there is someone or something that you think should also be extreme.

"But," you are thinking, "how is an arbitrary list in your pocket any more scientifically exact a method of assigning extremtasticity than any other? It's just as arbitrary as 'extreme spackle,' for example!"

You idiot! You don't understand the full genius at work here. You see, once I put an item onto this list, I immediately remove it.

Thenceforth, you can say with 100% logical and linguistic accuracy, that that item is ex-TREME.

I await my Nobel.